Juli Elin
Art by Juli Elin
I projected old photographs on the wall and rephotographed them with my current self in the memory. My first kitchen when I moved to California. Here, I washed so many dishes, made so much coffee, at least twenty pies, and cried so many tears

SELF PROJECTING

I projected old photographs on the wall and rephotographed them with my current self in the memory.

I projected old photographs on the wall and rephotographed them with my current self in the memory. My first kitchen when I moved to California. Here, I washed so many dishes, made so much coffee, at least twenty pies, and cried so many tears

I projected old photographs on the wall and rephotographed them with my current self in the memory.

My first kitchen when I moved to California.

Here, I washed so many dishes, made so much coffee, at least twenty pies, and cried so many tears into the tomato sauce. 

I projected old photographs on the wall and rephotographed them with my current self in the memory.

I projected old photographs on the wall and rephotographed them with my current self in the memory.

I projected old photographs on the wall and rephotographed them with my current self in the memory. Reunited with my 23 year old pregnant self. I tell her: Girl, You have no idea what you're doing. In a month from now you'll see your blood on the

I projected old photographs on the wall and rephotographed them with my current self in the memory.

Reunited with my 23 year old pregnant self. I tell her:

Girl,

You have no idea what you're doing. In a month from now you'll see your blood on the walls of the hospital you fought going to, and the freshest most familiar beautiful baby face on your chest. You won't have sex for 4 months because it hurts so bad. The first time you see him smile, it's a feeling that makes you want to jump and laugh and bawl all at the same time. That baby will suck on your tits for 3 years. You won't sleep. You'll leave your family in Florida and move to California, and you won't stop missing them. Your relationship with his dad falls apart because among other things, now your son is your tiny boyfriend. You'll drink a lot of whiskey and put on the cartoons you said you'd never let him watch.

Your concept of self will disintegrate and be put back together in a way you never envisioned.

Then all of a sudden, he's finished a year of kindergarten. You pay your own bills. You finally have a washer and dryer in your house and a sweet, empathetic, creative 6 year old human that you snuggle almost every night. And sometimes you yell at him but mostly you're in awe.

Yeah, you get lonely, but it's sure as hell better than feeling trapped. And somehow, this whole time you've kept making art. You'll stop drinking when you're stressed out and do your goddamned human homework because nope, life is NOT fair, but there are tools to make it easier, and you both deserve that.

Tonight, you'll stare at him while he's sleeping and try to unravel the mystery of how you're even here in this bed, and what it is exactly that's made it all worth it.

I projected old photographs on the wall and rephotographed them with my current self in the memory.

I projected old photographs on the wall and rephotographed them with my current self in the memory.

I projected old photographs on the wall and rephotographed them with my current self in the memory.   Our yard was filled with blackberry bushes. We picked 10 gallons that summer, and his face was constantly purple.

I projected old photographs on the wall and rephotographed them with my current self in the memory.

 

Our yard was filled with blackberry bushes. We picked 10 gallons that summer, and his face was constantly purple.

I projected old photographs on the wall and rephotographed them with my current self in the memory. When we moved in, there was a sweet boy cat living under the house. I asked him, "What should we name the cat?" He instantly replied, "Big Truck!"

I projected old photographs on the wall and rephotographed them with my current self in the memory.

When we moved in, there was a sweet boy cat living under the house. I asked him, "What should we name the cat?" He instantly replied, "Big Truck!"

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I projected old photographs on the wall and rephotographed them with my current self in the memory. My first kitchen when I moved to California. Here, I washed so many dishes, made so much coffee, at least twenty pies, and cried so many tears
I projected old photographs on the wall and rephotographed them with my current self in the memory.
I projected old photographs on the wall and rephotographed them with my current self in the memory. Reunited with my 23 year old pregnant self. I tell her: Girl, You have no idea what you're doing. In a month from now you'll see your blood on the
I projected old photographs on the wall and rephotographed them with my current self in the memory.
I projected old photographs on the wall and rephotographed them with my current self in the memory.   Our yard was filled with blackberry bushes. We picked 10 gallons that summer, and his face was constantly purple.
I projected old photographs on the wall and rephotographed them with my current self in the memory. When we moved in, there was a sweet boy cat living under the house. I asked him, "What should we name the cat?" He instantly replied, "Big Truck!"